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“You must never drink any more than slightly less than two drinks. Beyond that state of mildly intoxicated perfection lies drunken madness, 3rd pints, kebabs, and destruction.”
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“There were three different bears, in all. Happy Bear, who was happy; Brave Bear, who wanted to be brave (“Dear God. Please make me BRAVE like a lion! RARRR!”); and Thankful Bear, who was thankful for everything that Happy Bear was happy about.
They were only supposed to pray when you pressed their paws together in true praying style, but after a few weeks they started activating spontaneously when you walked past them. You’d be putting Jesus Pens in the pen containers, and suddenly a whole row of teddy bears would start praying loudly right next to you. We called them the Possessed Teddies, and hoped we’d get rid of them soon.
But I started wondering about them.
Why were we selling them?
Did they really help kids?
Where was Depressed Teddy? And Identity Crisis Teddy? And Guilty Teddy? Or could the teddies only teach you to pray about your problems if you didn’t have any real ones?
And what on earth did they have to do with Jesus? “